Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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