he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
