I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
