Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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