her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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