I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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