what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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