wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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