Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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