What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
