Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
