you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
