I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize