I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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