in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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