I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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