I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
