im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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