I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My pussy is not your playground.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
