Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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