we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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