Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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