dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.