Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.