I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.