I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.