I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah