I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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