i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
