im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
