just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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