hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
