Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food