if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.