OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
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Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.