I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.