Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS