Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
