That's when you crack a 10am beer
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
