in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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