So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
