I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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