her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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