I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.