Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.