Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

(508): View more from Massachusetts

yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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(603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5

Replies (45) Good night (5614) Bad night (718)
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(917): View more from New York City

Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

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(917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df

Replies (97) Good night (1835) Bad night (7778)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

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(604): They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum http://tfl.nu/ih77

Replies (10) Good night (4275) Bad night (1223)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."

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(828): I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke." http://tfl.nu/rseq

Replies (48) Good night (1503) Bad night (9940)
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(313): View more from Michigan

while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.

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(313): while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up. http://tfl.nu/p2q9

Replies (14) Good night (3416) Bad night (2014)
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(315): View more from New York

My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

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(315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6

Replies (13) Good night (8569) Bad night (1573)
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(586): View more from Michigan

We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.

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(586): We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds. http://tfl.nu/hj47

Replies (9) Good night (1930) Bad night (1305)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking

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(443): Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking http://tfl.nu/hur0

Replies (6) Good night (783) Bad night (1638)
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(816): View more from Missouri

i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino

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(816): i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino http://tfl.nu/4r5s

Replies (9) Good night (1963) Bad night (961)
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(631): View more from New York

My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch

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(631): My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch http://tfl.nu/rckm

Replies (6) Good night (1484) Bad night (765)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.

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(910): once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits. http://tfl.nu/8psa

Replies (3) Good night (1327) Bad night (554)
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(626): View more from California

So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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(626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i

Replies (5) Good night (2815) Bad night (719)
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(207): View more from Maine

Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.

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(207): Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something. http://tfl.nu/ppvg

Replies (12) Good night (1162) Bad night (693)
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(847): View more from Illinois

The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.

(312): View more from Illinois

Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE

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(847): The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking. (312): Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE http://tfl.nu/m86e

Replies (1) Good night (994) Bad night (505)
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(314): View more from Missouri

So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.

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(314): So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better. http://tfl.nu/6bjm

Replies (0) Good night (632) Bad night (554)

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