Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends