You just made me feel so damn special
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.