found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?