I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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