I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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