That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
