I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
