So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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