I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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