Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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