Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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