he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
