u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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