Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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