his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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