I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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