Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
drinking out of a sandbucket again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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